Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
