obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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