you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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