your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
