Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
