He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
