someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
