I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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