I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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