Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and she was petting her beer can
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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