Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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