Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
