dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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