Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
