Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
