My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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