i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
