Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.