I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.