After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.