oh god the rape fog is back!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
