so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
