Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
