Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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