i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
