people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
