had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
