What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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