girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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