every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
