I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
