That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
