Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
