Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize