I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
