I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How's work?
Spinning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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