roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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