dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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