He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
