I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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