is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
