Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
