Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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