i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
