Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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