omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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