i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
