my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
