My brain says no but my pants say off.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
