I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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