i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
