someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
