i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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