and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
