And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I came so hard my ears popped.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
