Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
