just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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