apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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