I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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