Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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