I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
honey bunches of taint.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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