I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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