have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
