One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
