i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
