You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
