He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
