I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I didn't notice because vodka
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
