Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
