Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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