I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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