Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
