I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
