before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
