Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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