god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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