I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
