My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
