i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
