I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
from now on my penis is your penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
