If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
