I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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