Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
