I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
