I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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