Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
