just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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