She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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